Corey and Corey: A Prelude


"Have you ever got to third base?" asked Corey, reaching for the sneaky smoke whilst the two lay on Corey's king-size bed.
"Third base!" replied Corey scoffingly, "I've had home runs more times than you've jerked off to lingerie catalogues!"
"You're full of shit, man!" yelled the better looking of the two, punching him on the arm.
"No shit! You know Laurie Diesenheim? I showed her a thing or two behind the bleachers!"
"Man, Laurie Deisenheim would not piss on you if you were on fire!"
"Yes she would! Well, what about you, you're virgin material if I ever saw it!"
"Hey," Corey said seriously, "I have too much respect for those girls to tell you about it."
"You're a virgin" yelled Corey triumphantly and clutched his stomach in hysterics.
"I am not! I've fucked Sandy and Trina and Chrissie and Shoshanna!"

His comrade went silent in respect. "Shoshanna? she's got headlights that'd blind a bald-headed eagle. Man.." He could no longer talk, and simply clapped his friend on the back in a gesture of respect.
"What are ya, a fag?" Corey yelled and flinched away from his touch before throwing him down on the bed for a good wrestle.

"What are you boys doing up there?" yelled a heavy parental voice from below.
"Nothing, mom!" One of them yelled and threw his cigarette out of the window, waving his hands quickly in front of his face. The door opened.
"Just look at this room!" Corey's mom said, shaking her curlers. "You better get this cleaned up before your father gets home or he's gonna kick you into next week!"
"Aww mom." Corey replied and quickly swished a couple of pornos under the bed with his foot.
"I mean it Corinthian, I wanna hear cleaning." She left the room.

"Man, your moms heavy," said Corey, shaking his spiky mop. "Better than mine, I guess. She doesn't even know I exist." he unwrapped a bandanna from his thigh and used it to wipe away the tears.
"Don't be a pussy, man," his friend comforted him, putting an arm around his shoulders. Corey revived himself, wiping away his tears, "Let's clean up your room and then go to Burger World!"
On came the upbeat music and the boys shoved stuff into Corey's wardrobe, occasionally putting underpants on their heads and playing air guitar to prove Mary Poppin's theory that cleaning a room can be a whole heap o' fun.

Finally they collapsed on the bed again. "Man, you are a fuckin' slob!" teased Corey.
"Well you are a fucking geek-o-rama!" The other retorted, kicking him in the shins with his pointy-toed cowboy boots.
"Hey, that smarts!" Corey yelled and jumped on Corey's back, toppling him onto the floor. The door opened again, and a brown-suited fogey came into the room.
Ignoring his son's shenanigans on the floor he commented "This room looks great, Cor, here's a twenty, you kids go and get a burger, your mom and me want some private time."

They ran from the house, only pausing to mousse their hair. They were gonna paint the town hot pink.
"You know what your folks are doing right now?" nudged Corey.
"Shut up." replied Corinthian.
"They're doin' the wild thing! Know what I mean?" he persisted, flapping his arms and jumping around his buddy in circles, "They're doin' the horizontal shuffle! They're bumpin' uglies! They're.." he was cut off by a punch in the stomach and left to gasp comically on the sidewalk, clutching his skateboard.

At Burger World Corey was just digging into a hot beef mayo double layered combo summer fun burger when his pal stumbled in, holding his stomach. Some girls who were watching him and sipping their milkshakes seductively giggled.
"Hey girls," Corey said, straightening his hawaiin shirt, "You're looking pret-ty fiiine to-day!" The girls giggled some more and Corey joined his friend.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that poke, man, it's just the thought of my parents screwing, you know?"
"I hear you man," his friend replied and patted him on the back. Their friendship was unharmed but little did the considerably uglier but possessed of a cult-following Corey know, although he should have realised, that in the hand of that innocent pat was a sign saying "I'm a fag, fuck me up the arse."

And so ends the first installment of the trials and tribulations of those same-named pals.

Stories 'n' comics!